We’ve all heard the age-old saying of …
…time heals everything.
In that, they are referring to heartache and emotional scarring. It’s a reassuring thought similar to this too shall pass which over the years has become one of my favourite affirmations during a difficult time.
The former however I am not a fan of. Why? Because to me it suggests that whatever we went through in terms of getting hurt by a break-up or rejection aka. the emotional wounds incurred will evaporate on their own without any effort on our part and this unfortunately is not the case.
Honouring Emotional Wounds
Emotional wounds I am sorry to say will not magically disappear and all is well again. The initial heartache will subside as well as any feelings towards the person and respective break-up that first broke you. However, the emotional wounds that were inflicted upon you can leave a lasting scar if not dealt with accordingly.
One can certainly numb and suppress the unpleasant feelings away, however, that which does not get addressed will show up like a check engine light at some point in the form of a trigger. This is your head and heart speaking in unison to you saying “We need to work through this issue!”.
Heartache sucks. It is without a doubt some of the worst pain we will ever experience. I would rather choose to break a limb and simultaneously catch a nasty flu than ever feel the burden of heartbreak again. Unfortunately, it is a part of the human experience. There is no evading it as it is the shadow of the drug we humans crave the most – love. You cannot have one without the other.
Without giving off the wrong idea, I am not blanketing that all romantic relationships end in heartache or that they even end at all. There are countless successful and happy couples that at some point experience some kind of emotional hurt within their relationship for various reasons.
What I am questioning is what can we learn from our hurt so that we no longer carry it around like an emotional wound? What lessons have we learned that we can implement in either our next relationship or strengthen the one we currently find ourselves in? How do we release old wounds so that they no longer show up as triggers?
Facing Emotional Wounds
Wouldn’t it be great if the answer to these questions would come in the form of a potent magic elixir, relieving us of any heartache or emotional baggage? It would be grand!
However, until that elusive potion arrives, we must do the internal work. It’s not fun and it may drain your energy or cause you to want to hide away like Rapunzel only allowing the worthiest of romantic prospects to come close. But, the payoff is worth it.
I do not have all the answers for you as
1. I am not a trained psychotherapist
2. I am working through my own triggers
3. Each experience is so personal that what works for one individual might not work for the other.
However, I can and want to share guidance and advice on this healing process – tried and tested by yours truly.
Healing Emotional Wounds
The following is a list of seven actions that will help shed the old layers of hurt allowing you to move forward. They have helped and continue to help me in my journey. And as a disclaimer, this healing process is non-linear meaning it has no specific time frame of completion. Healing is not an item to check off a to-do list, it ebbs and flows along with the rhythm of your life. The sooner we face our hurt the sooner we can come back in touch with our true selves thereby attracting the right individuals into our lives.
1. Give Yourself Time
Give yourself grace and be patient with the process. This is not something that can or should be rushed as that might manifest itself as suppressing wounds that need to be released.
2. Feel All Your Feels
All of them! By this I mean simply feel the emotions and don’t entertain the thoughts that accompany them. This may cause you to mentally spiral and have the initial feeling last longer. According to studies, emotions last only 90 seconds! It’s when we choose to remain in and entertain the emotion that makes it last longer. This turns into a feeling.
3. Record What Comes Up
In whatever medium best serves you like writing in a journal, speaking into a voice recorder, drawing, painting, etc. This will help to release some of the negativity from your mind and even help put things into perspective.
4. Talk With A Friend
Or anyone close to you who can hold space to hear you out. Also, as helpful and relieving as it is, it isn’t always necessary for others to offer advice. Sometimes, we just need someone to listen to and acknowledge what we are saying.
5. Cry!
This releases oxytocin and endorphins which are the known feel-good hormones. It’s like our body’s own emotional pain reliever. Win!
6. Find a Cathartic Way to Release
In whatever way resonates with you, be it by dancing, running, listening to music, doing yoga, or kickboxing. Any activity that flushes out the old stagnant energy. This also causes our feel-good hormones to be released.
7. Speak to a Professional
There are people trained in exactly what you are going through. Be it a therapist, counsellor, coach, or psychotherapist. These amazing humans are here to help you heal. I understand costs often pose an issue however there are often training-students or post-graduates offering free or low-cost services.
Healing Forward
Being a human is complex. We all come with our share of baggage and emotional wounding that causes us to repress and retreat to avoid re-enacting something painful we went through. However, by taking small yet actionable steps towards healing your emotional wounds can you begin to release the shackles of the past paving a brighter path forward.
You are worthy of the love you envision for yourself!
P.S. The phrase “będzie dobrze” is Polish and can be translated to “it will be alright”. In the past, whenever I was going through something difficult my mom would say something similar to me in German – “es wird alles wieder gut” meaning “everything will be good again”. Both are affirmations for getting through a tough phase like heartache. I captured this image on the streets of Kraków, Poland.
Thanks for reading!
xo, Missy
