There comes a time in everyone’s life, when we for whatever reason are nudged to intensively reflect upon the person we have become. It comes down to releasing emotional triggers and growing into yourself.
See it as a check engine light or like spring cleaning – out with the old and in with the new.
Like a snake shedding its skin or a crab housing itself into a new shell. The process may feel uncomfortable however, the stagnation that occurs as a result of avoiding this metamorphosis is heavier to bear.
Are My Tendencies Stalling My Personal Growth?
We adopt tendencies as a way to avoid emotional triggers.
Recognizing traits and tendencies within oneself that have outlived their purpose is the first step in shedding the old to make way for the new. Applying it in your day-to-day follows. It’s in this awareness/implementation dynamic that a fundamental shift can unfold.
Tendencies are like habits which we know can be difficult to overcome. The process of maturity will ask you to look at these straight in the face and question if this behaviour continues to serve you or if it’s an outdated reaction adopted in the past.
Over the past year or so, mine have gone a little as follows:
I have these certain tendencies HOWEVER I no longer resonate with them. In fact, these tendencies are:
- Hindering my well-being and growth on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level
- And, (without losing any compassion) I don’t even like these parts of myself.
To reassure, I believe you can practice self-love and still see things in yourself that you do not like. It’s a component to self-growth so long as you are working to improve upon them.
How to Grow Into Yourself
So, how does this kind of transition come about? I have outlined three factors that I believe contribute a great deal in this respect.
Emotional Triggers
A trigger is a flood of negative emotions invoked by an external factor. Causing one to mentally relive a painful memory from the past thereby acting out certain behaviours in an attempt to sooth back to homeostasis.
In other words, absolutely nauseating!
To restate, it’s an emotional reaction that elicits a behavioural response we have grown accustomed to over the years as we believe it acts to aid our protection. Yet, the thing is that which has triggered us isn’t necessarily out to harm us. It’s just that, a trigger for something we have not healed within.
Just because our reaction is habitual doesn’t mean we should continue tolerating it especially if it’s causing anxiety or doubt. I ponder if ironically enough our emotional reaction causes more unease than the trigger itself? It takes self-awareness to say, “I no longer want to react this way about x or think that way about y!”.
This is the fork in the road of self-growth where we can choose to either continue down the same familiar mental path or have faith that the road less travelled will lead to greener pastures.
*Triggers can at times cause a lot of mental unease. If yours are causing any kind of suffering there are many professionals available to help.
Friendship Closure
It’s the classic pop-culture saying…
Your vibe attracts your tribe.
But what happens when your vibe begins to change? Does that mean one leaves their tribe in search of another?
What forms friendships is that certain time or place that brought the two (or group) of you together like at work, school, a party or mutual friends. In my opinion, what ultimately fuses friends together are shared morals, interests, loyalty and vulnerability. From here the friendship either continues to grow or it stagnates.
If you’re facing the latter know that it is absolutely ok and somewhat natural for certain friendships to end. I have said goodbye to many friendships partly because I had to say goodbye to the person I was at the time. Friendships serve the two-way purpose of enhancing our lives and our sense of wellbeing. And what truly matters is quality vs. quantity.
While we’re at – sending love to all my friends all over the world cause you truly are the best!
Complacency
Humans have a tendency of becoming attached to certain things or ways of being because it’s familiar and provides a sense of security. This aided our survival way back in history.
However, nowadays, if it goes on for too long where it doesn’t serve much purpose we risk stagnating and no longer evolving as individuals. This usually stems from a need to cling to anything comfortable as in the past the unfamiliar may have felt uncomfortable. It becomes embedded in our day-to-day, in routines that we perform on autopilot and then ponder why we feel restless and unsatisfied.
Breaking out can be difficult because whatever we are holding onto has become what we identify ourselves by. Yet, we tend to forget that this level of familiarity we find ourselves at felt foreign sometime in the beginning. And isn’t it that which is foreign that catalyzes not only our growth but our zest for life?!
No comfort in the growth zone, no growth in the comfort zone. Learn to trust the breaking out of your shell to expand your horizon.
My Personal Journey
This past August (2023) I was going through an internal shift. I was bumping up against emotional triggers that made me feel doubtful, edgy and slightly complacent. It came to the point where I thought “I am tired of my own bullsh*t!”.
Upon reflection, I realized that these feelings were messengers to deeper parts of myself mainly, outdated thinking, self-limiting beliefs, and slight imposter syndrome ie. sh*t that needed to be released. It felt like an internal attempt at protecting myself from… absolutely nothing. The continuous worry was only evading my joy and peace of mind.
The beauty in life is that many things serve as a learning opportunity. What this was teaching me is that yes, outdated versions of Melissa at times coil themselves around present-day Melissa however, as uncertain as the future may seem she can no longer hinder the journey of baby stepping my way into my authentic self.
This kind of elevation doesn’t unfold overnight unfortunately, and relapses may happen. But, by continuously showing up and dedicating yourself to the YOU, you wish to pursue will your life continue to flourish, and with it that your new shell will eagerly wait to be inhabited.
Thanks for reading!
xo, Missy
