If you were to be asked the difference between solitude and loneliness would you be able to decipher between the two?
Both tell the idea of being alone, but being alone is a neutral state. The clearest and shortest way for me to explain the two would be.
Loneliness is being by oneself. Solitude is being with oneself.
When Seeking Solitude Turns To Loneliness
I had a busy work week behind me, topped with rushing to visit my grandma in the hospital each day during visiting hours. I found myself burning the candlelight at both ends, so to speak.
Physically and mentally, I was coming close to my limits and looking forward to the weekend that much more.
Once Saturday morning had come and gone along with my routine of going to yoga, grocery shopping, doing laundry, and reading I found myself without any plans.
At first, I felt strangely out of sorts.
All week I was rushing with timelines when it came to balancing work and personal life by the time evening rolled around, I was grateful for a quiet evening to myself before the hamster wheel began the next morning. Now here I was one sunny afternoon with all the time in the world. Not fully knowing what to do with myself.
What is this sense of loneliness? And what a complete 180-degree change from the workweek feels I thought. I took little time to contemplate and simply changed my outfit, grabbed my bag, and hit the streets for a little window shopping. It turned into a spontaneous date with myself. I enjoyed it and felt great for grabbing the initiative.
Tap Into Your Solitude
What was this internal conflict arising in me earlier I pondered? All week I was longing for less chaos and more stillness and then when I received it, I wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
My take is that what we long for in this less chaos more stillness scenario is harmony intertwined with our usual productivity and being connected with others.
We are after all a social species that evolved due to pursuing relationships and being productive – we mated with our partner, raised children to grow the next generation and were highly efficient in the pursuit of our further evolution.
I guess put simply at the forefront of evolution are relationships and productivity. These innate instincts are hard-wired within us to this day. Solitude, on the other hand, earned zero seats at the table of evolution as it didn’t actively contribute to either relationships or productivity.
Yet, there are many kernels of wisdom, peace and mindfulness nestled in solitude.
Solitude does not equate to loneliness. It’s the state of being content and in sync with oneself and loneliness is well the opposite – being unhappy by oneself.
Being busy may rid you of solitude but it will not rid you of loneliness! It will only temporarily cover up the loneliness like a band-aid.
Solitude is Here to Teach Us Something
What can we learn when we find ourselves in solitude?
Everything you could need to thrive in life.
Might seem unlikely but you see, in solitude, we get the chance to connect with ourselves without any sort of outsider influence or opinion. You can just be you.
If we use this time to our advantage, it becomes the golden hour(s) for which we reflect on and clarify what our truest needs, values, interests and joys are.
How can this be? It’s simple – without any external influence such as from our friends or social media there remains one voice we listen to and that is our inner voice and intuitive knowing.
You see, in our busy and digital-driven culture, we are endlessly absorbing the opinions and thoughts of others thereby drowning out our own and with that our intuition as well.
Your intuition is that thing that if listened to and followed will pave the path to your thriving life – like a north star.
Being Busy Will Not Eradicate Loneliness
To re-state, the absence of loneliness isn’t found in busyness.
It seems nowadays we are constantly caught up in social media scrolls, making plans, meeting timelines and condoning being busy as some sort of trophy.
Nowadays, we face the often guilty feeling of – if I’m not busy or being productive then what else could I possibly be doing that’s of any importance? This causes us to run away from ourselves because being in solitude or resting isn’t seen as a priority and can even make us feel uncomfortable like we’ll be missing out on something.
If you find yourself relating to this then I encourage you to reflect on why you feel the need to be consistently busy and avoid taking time to fully be with yourself in solitude.
By this, I mean alone without any distracting entertainment sources like your phone or TV. During this time ignore any sort of self-judgement or negative talk, simply get curious about arising thoughts or reflections that come up. Keep a journal to record them.
Allow yourself these blocked-off times to rest and simply be! Daydream, sleep in without an alarm, tinker around with a hobby, cook yourself a meal, or read a book till your eyes are sore.
This is not only a type of self-care, it will also elicit a sense of inner peace and connection by leading you back to your truest self. This is the effect solitude can have on us.
Final Thoughts
Perhaps, if we let go of the pursuit of being busy all the time – having our social calendar filled, being productive even in our spare time, working over hours, this nagging feeling of always needing to do something.
Perhaps, if we let go of this push/pull dynamic and swap out having plans with being spontaneous or being productive to simply being could we live our lives in a more joyous state of flow.
In this state, we can find a loving connectedness of going to spend quality time with a relative or a sense of inner harmony by strolling the streets with our UN-lonesome selves.
Thanks for reading!
xo, Missy
P.S. I captured this image on the streets of Amsterdam.
