I was watching one of my favourite YouTubers the other week when she mentioned a word I never heard before yet instantly resonated with me. The word was liminal.
Liminal: an ambiguous threshold of time or space that occurs during a transitionary phase from one state to the next.
Simply put, it feels like a metamorphosis or an in-between phase.
Life is an ever-evolving journey, there’s no changing it. However, certain times feel more intense or life-altering than others. It can happen internally when we depart from the person we have been or merely parts of ourselves. On an external level, it can take the form of leaving a career, moving, or ending certain relationships.
The in-between phases tend to feel most uncomfortable as we end one stage while waiting for the fruition of the next to occur.
We are creatures of habit and security. But during a liminal phase, this elusive safety is put on hold and our mental resilience tested.
Sharing My Experience
I never imagined there would be an exaggerated emphasis on me living in a luminal phase at 31 years old. Through this, I’m fully surrendering for one of the first times in my life. I’m trusting the process that given my commitment, skills, authenticity, resilience and slight case of being delulu, what is truly meant for me will not and cannot pass me by.
By trusting the process I’m referring to each aspect of my life. Professional, romantic, home life and friendships. I’m done forcing things. Force, in the past, has caused me a lot of mental unease.
I used to dislike the phrase what’s meant to be will be. It gave me the sense that I had zero control over what was unfolding in my life which is something I cannot handle. I’m beginning to see this phrase in a new light though. Suggesting that it’s not about giving up control but trusting the process and not white-knuckle gripping your way through life.
For my fellow astrology geeks, my north node is in Sagittarius. This suggests I welcome more adventure and spontaneity and to not shy away from taking (calculated) risks.
The areas where I see the intensity of the luminal phase take shape are my career and home life. I’m taking a chance on myself professionally and cannot fathom giving up until I’ve reached the peak that I currently envision. It’s an intimidating phase and tests me each day but my daily dose of delulu is keeping me on track.
As for my home life, well as I’ve shared before I’m blessed to call two beautiful places my homeland. I’m relocating back to one while coming up with a lifestyle formula that allows me to regularly be in both.
Diving Into The Liminal Phase
Liminal stages are both literal and metaphorical and life is filled with them to some extent or another. It’s essentially a holding period where we await for the next thing to occur.
They can be physical spaces such as airports or train stations where an actual physical transition happens. Liminality can also take on a physiological form, for example, when recovering from the flu or during the in-between state of sleeping and waking up.
A liminal phase can be short-lived and mundane, such as when waiting for an email or waiting for your partner to get out of the shower. They guide us wherever we go, and have the ability of shape-shifting into whatever we’re currently facing.
For this blog post though, I’ll be referring to emotional liminal spaces of the human experience.
The Emotionality Behind Liminality
Liminality can have a profound impact on our lives, for instance, going through a divorce or anticipating an acceptance letter to a University. Even, transitioning from childhood to adolescence or moving into your first apartment.
These emotionally intense liminal phases shape who we are through the confrontation of who we once were. It’s shedding the old to make way for the new.
As this article puts it so poignantly, “[this] introspective journey, is where real transformation occurs”.
These transitions cause us to confront our insecurities and doubts and re-configure them into strengths and capabilities. If we avoid the progression of this process, one of two things can occur:
- Life will hand us back the assignment to re-live until we’ve understood the lesson.
- We stick our heads in the sand and become complacent to the point of stagnation.
The liminal phase can feel lonely as we are undergoing a personal metamorphosis, that caters to a certain level of elusiveness in where we’re headed. It’s important to remember, that loneliness is merely a nudge for you to lean further into solitude.
Drawing back on the above quote, solitude is essential for introspection as this leads to transformation.
When a caterpillar cocoons it rests in a state of full solitude for this leads to its transformation into a butterfly.
Your Saturn Return can also be seen as a liminal phase. As you move past who you’ve been up until this point and begin to welcome a matured version of yourself.
Where Can Liminality Arise?
Career
I’m not here to colour anyone’s opinion but I’m a firm believer that to lead a fulfilling life, your career needs to be in alignment with your purpose. Only you can find out what yours is.
I left a secure and well-paying position because it was no longer in line with my morals, values and purpose. If you feel similar, be patient with yourself in deciding your next plan of action. It took me roughly one year of contemplation before I quit.
I’m currently in a liminal phase in my career life but I’m working towards something that feeds both my passion and purpose.
Romance
If you find yourself attracting the same kind of person into your life that causes behavioural patterns to arise that no longer serve you, it could be a sign you’re going through a liminal phase.
When undergoing a transformational stage there might be a tendency to re-enact old dating patterns, as this is the only behaviour we’ve known from ourselves. You’ll soon realize that the level of unease felt correlates to the level of change that needs to happen.
Friendships
Friends are extended family that emulate each other. One reason why going through a liminal phase can be lonely at times (not always), is because we’re leaving out-lived friendships behind. Only the ones who truly understand us will remain.
Clinging onto a social group out of reluctance to be alone on a Friday night or scarcity that no new people will appear is only prolonging an uncomfortable phase of life.
I’ve parted from more than a few friendships simply because the connection wasn’t strong enough to accompany the next journey I was going through. And this wasn’t on an egoic level – the vibe simply wasn’t there anymore.
When you release outdated friendships you make space and time for connections that thrive and grow through mutual trust, support, love and fun! My closest friends and I have seen each other go through various phases of liminality and the beauty is being able to grow alongside one another.
Location
Moving, no matter if it’s within the same city or across the globe will trigger you into a state of liminality. It can be a profound in-between phase as we leave behind a home and lifestyle to welcome the new yet uncertain.
We are creatures of habit that evolved through the survival tactic of remaining loyal to that which kept us safe and that which was familiar. Moving can feel like going against this innate instinct as we cannot fully comprehend how our life will unfold in a new location. Moving being one of them.
Yet, if modern times have taught us anything it’s that certain evolutionary traits no longer serve us. They can cause us to stagnate and miss out on abundant opportunities in life.
Clinging to the old will never make way for the new.
Self-Care Guide To Navigating a Liminal Phase
• Journal what you’re going through.
• Share your experience with close people in your life.
• Make rest a priority.
• Be patient with yourself and the process.
• Regulate your nervous system by doing yoga, breathwork or walking in nature.
• Find cathartic outlets such as drawing, writing, moving your body etc.
• Not every emotion has to make sense, simply feel it and allow it to pass.
• Set goals and make decisions on how to move swiftly through this phase.
• Listen to what your mind and body need and avoid escapist tendencies.
Thanks for reading!
xo, Missy
