Just recently, one of my closest friends came to stay with me. As we live in different countries we only see each other about twice a year, nevertheless our friendship has achieved consistent growth over time.
As best friends do, we led more than a few deep chats. The type that gets the gears moving in your mind. It got me thinking about the power of friendship and its impact on personal growth.
But, what makes a friendship foundational and trustworthy that it manifests into a state of personal growth? I’ve shared this in a previous blog post, I believe it comes down to vulnerability and shared morals.
Through my multi-national upbringing and with that bi-continental lifestyle I have, over the years, catered to and grown friendships across the world. Some of these friendships lasted a mere season and others have remained to this day. Because of this, I can confirm the following.
The most accurate indicator of committed, loving, authentic friendships is time and distance.
I’m blessed to say that I have all the friends I ever envisioned. It’s a sisterhood with
like-minded young women. It’s the power of friendship in personal growth.
How Does Time and Distance Benefit Friendships?
So, what do I mean by time and distance being an accurate indicator? Well, life will quickly filter out the friends with whom you share a surface-level connection. The ones with whom you share a genuine connection remain.
Quality vs. quantity becomes apparent in this regard.
Friendship is a two-way street and the formula for making this work is effort, consistency and reliability. When a friendship turns long-distance there’s an extra dose of this formula needed for it to sustain long-term.
This isn’t to say that friends need to be updating and communicating with each other from afar on a daily or even weekly basis. In my long-distance friendships, there are times when we don’t hear from each other for a few months! But I have enough trust to know that our connection remains unaffected by this temporary silence. Life can sometimes get in the way and for this, we should extend grace.
The Power of Friendship on Your Wellbeing
In an earlier blog post, I mentioned the Blue Zones and how one of the indicators of longevity is belonging to a group or community.
If you’re unfamiliar with the Blue Zones it’s essentially five places around the world where there are the highest rate of centenarians. The concept studies in detail what lifestyle and health factors support these humans to live to or over 100 years of age.
Studies confirm that there’s a direct correlation between the connection we have to others (aka. our friendships) and our quality of life. The greater the connection the greater our quality of life. This is the power of friendship in our lives.
Friendships add years to your life and life to your years.
The other key factor within belonging that supports our well-being is how our behaviours and habits tend to be contagious. We’ve all heard the saying that goes something like “You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.” This is what it’s referring to.
If we cater to healthy and positive friendships with like-minded individuals, this will significantly influence our well-being. The same goes for the opposite. If you want to improve your health or shift your lifestyle you might want to avoid spending time with people who aren’t in favour of or sabotage this.
Friends are Reflectors
Our friends are the mirror unto ourselves. When confronted with a difficult decision, we turn to our friends. If we’re seeking advice on a prospective opportunity the person we likely turn to is a friend. When we have exciting news to share the first people we instinctually want to share that with are our friends.
If it’s not coming from our romantic partners or family, then it’s our friends who hold us accountable for our decisions and actions. At least the ones who deeply understand us.
They are the direct reflectors of how we manifest our way through life. If you choose correctly they will support you, if not, it’s sabotage. The power of friendship shows how these people become the catalyst for our personal growth. We cannot hide who we are at the core, for they have seen all of our angles – the good, bad and ugly.
When we reach a milestone, they’re the ones supporting us on the sidelines. If we fall and hit a breakdown they’re the ones to lift us back up off the ground.
According to this study, the average female friendship lasts 16 years! This equates to six years longer than a romantic partnership. Our family dynamics will, in the optimal case, remain healthy and stable. However, we don’t need a study to confirm that there are things in life that feel more relatable to share with our friends than our parents. In this sense, friends turn into chosen family where we form close-knit relations with like-minded individuals.
Ask Each Other this Question …
I asked my bestie who came to stay with me the following question.
What are some strengths I possess that I might not be consciously aware of?
She wanted to know the same about herself so we gave each other five minutes to reflect on the question. Afterwards, we chatted and discussed for roughly an hour.
It might have to do with the fact that she gives solid advice, but WOW. Did I ever have a full-circle moment based on what she told me about myself. The degree of transparency with how she sees me, my strengths and my idiosyncrasies is a testament to our 30-ish years of friendship.
True friendship will hold us accountable for who we are and how we live our lives.
It’s this honest yet constructive feedback that becomes the building blocks for how we internally shift and externally level up in life. The deepest friendships witness the evolution of our growth and based on such, they become the qualified ones to offer us a review of our strengths, weaknesses, talents and even faults.
10 Signs the Power of Friendship is Impacting Your Personal Growth
- They tell you
The clearest indicator of how far you’ve come in your growth journey is that your friends explicitly tell you how far you’ve come. They see the up-levels you’ve achieved and ego-releases you’ve gone through. - You support each other
As mentioned earlier, friendships are a two-way street of effort, commitment and support. As soon as it becomes less it’s no longer a friendship. This isn’t to say that there won’t be times when one friend gives more while the other gives less. It’s a natural part of being a human with fluctuating emotions and energy levels. - Boundaries are respected
If you decide to decline an invite for much-needed me-time or happen to take a few days to respond to a text message because you’ve had other things going on, it’s not taken personally. The right tribe will respect your boundaries as they understand these are in place for your mental and physical well-being. As such, they will never force you to do anything. - You continue to have fun together
Need I say more? Friendships should be fun! Not to say it’s fun and games all the time, because I mean, we have adulty things and responsibilities to tend to. However, even within growth-oriented friendships, fun, playfulness and laughter will continuously be on the agenda. - Emotions are expressed
Vulnerability is crucial in any relationship and friendships are no exception. If you’re not expressing your emotions how else will anyone find out who the real you is? Your close social network should be a safe space for emotions to be expressed. Emotional dumping, however, where one person continuously vents without taking into consideration if the other person has the mental capacity to hold that space isn’t necessarily appropriate. - All flow no force
Another indicator that you’re in a growth-oriented friendship is the natural rhythm of flow in how you take care of the connection. You won’t have to force anything, from making plans to showing support or engaging in conversation. It will feel effortless and easeful. - You feel safe to show up as your authentic self
Gone are the days when we had to cover up parts of ourselves to be accepted by our friends. Then again, is that even friendship if we have to shape-shift who we are? The right social group will accept you as you are. And when it comes to breaking habits or outdated behavioural patterns, they will be your ultimate supporters. - Zero tolerance for criticism, back-stabbing or bullying
The majority of us can unfortunately confirm that we’ve entertained toxic social connections. I’ve had my share, and when it finally came to a breaking point I released those people from my life. There isn’t success in personal growth if you’re surrounding yourself with negative vibes. Just like a bad apple spoils the bunch, even one toxic friend will be enough to throw you off course. - There’s reliability and trust
This is the foundation for a flourishing mutual connection. Especially during a personal development phase, you need to have a support system of people you can confide in and trust and vice versa. Without reliability and trust you have no friendship. - You love each other
The bottom line is that at the heart of it all is love. The power of friendship will show you the power of love.
Thanks for reading!
xo, Missy
