About one year ago I was granted the title of Self-Love Queen by a friend of mine. “I guess over the years I have learned what sort of love, care, and attention I need to give myself to be happy”, I replied.
And I continue to stand by these words.
Self-love is genuine and sincere and something I truly wish everyone would find and practice for themselves. I believe it to be possible.
I mean, can you imagine what a tremendously better world we would live in if every single one of us practiced self-love?
Being human, I have my share of days where I am not feeling myself thereby going into combat with the mean girl in my head. But the scales ultimately tip in favour of positivity. Let me tell you that it has taken more than a few setbacks and lessons to arrive at the level of love and acceptance I am at now with.
If maturing has taught me anything it’s that life gets easier in the sense that challenges I was faced with have strengthened me and fine-tuned my bull-shit detector from people or situations that are not suited for me.
Through each high and low, each milestone and setback, through the good, bad and ugly YOU have been the one to get yourself through it. Of course, the close people in your life without a doubt helped you during these times by acting as a guiding light.
Yet, it was ultimately your strength, courage and self-dedication that got you back to the greener pastures of life.
It’s not a Breakdown, it’s a Breakthrough
I have a story in this regard of a time, years ago, when I was mending a broken heart and felt like a hollow shell of a human.
After being dumped, for weeks I could barely sleep, eat, think, even cracking a smile felt like lifting weights. It came to such a low point that I landed myself in an ambulance in the middle of the night.
I was convinced that I was having a heart attack… turns out it was a panic attack. The two have frightening similarities.
I may not have been responsible for my broken heart, but I sure was responsible for the panic attack. Not to mention, my healing.
So, there I lay on the stretcher thinking “How the f*ck did I let this break-up come so far?! This guy isn’t even worth what I am going through right now.”
The remainder of the night I had tests done, blood drawn and an IV inserted into my arm all the while falling in and out of sleep.
Going through stressful events like these, one would only wish to have their closest humans beside them. Unfortunately, due to the hour of the night and precautionary Covid related reasons at the time, this was not an option.
One might presume that what I felt was anxiety or loneliness which was undeniably true but what rang truer was a wave of self-love.
During that night and the following morning I had no other choice but to carve out from within me the love and comfort I would have sought from my parents, sister, or best friend. It was an intense case of self-soothing myself back to homeostasis. Especially given the fact that the doctors found nothing medically alarming with me.
Unbeknownst to myself, I grew a deeper level of self-trust and love that night and following morning in the hospital. I realized that many of the things I need to get through an emotionally dramatic episode like a break-up, can be found within me.
Oftentimes in life, it takes a break-down to have a breakthrough!
Shout out to my dad for waiting hours outside the hospital in the morning to pick me up. And to my bestie, Lea for calling me multiple times – both out of concern and well love!
Self-love is …
The thing about self-love is that it goes much deeper than simply going to the spa or treating yourself to a fancy cocktail.
Self-love is self-tolerance. Not only on the good days when your confidence is shining but on those days when you can’t stand walking past a mirror or hearing your own voice.
Self-love is self-acceptance. In that each flaw, idiosyncrasy, talent, or lack makes up your unique blueprint.
Self-love is self-trust. Knowing that no matter what life sends your way you will survive or better yet thrive through it.
Self-love is self-compassion. During those times when head and heart are at battle with each other.
Self-love is self-forgiveness. That no matter the mistakes or regrets of the past they do not define you. They ultimately serve as a lesson in shaping you.
Self-love is self-care. Taking time each day to pamper yourself and to provide your body and mind with what it needs to sustain an optimal level of health and wellness.
Self-love is a commitment to yourself each day to show up, shine up and never give up. You only have this one self. Personality, body, looks and all.
Self-love Starter Pack
- Set boundaries with the people in your life. You’re allowed to say “no” to things you don’t like, or to people whose company you don’t enjoy.
- Know what you deserve and don’t settle for less (compromise is something different).
- Schedule regular me-time where you are in complete solitude with yourself.
- Make self-care a requirement whether it be a morning skincare routine, clean eating, staying in on a Friday night, or exercising.
- When walking past a mirror, give yourself a compliment! Sounds cheesy, I know, but it has positive effects.
- Do not utter negative words about yourself, ever. Words manifest.
- Last but nobody’s least – masturbate! This might be the ultimate act of self-love there ever was and will be.
Thanks for reading!
xo, Missy
Photo Credit: this image of me was taken on film by my talented bestie, Sophie in France.
