We live out many roles in our lives. For example, I am a (grand-) daughter, sister, aunt, friend, you get the point.
Within these roles, we take on a persona slightly or perhaps even vastly different from the other. It comes about subconsciously as we been pre-programmed to speak or act in ways that fulfil the given relational dynamic with someone.
This behaviour stems from evolution where our survival was dependent on our social acceptance. Today, this is luckily no longer the case as we have won the freedom to be exactly as we are … but are we?
Relationships Are Not One Size Fits All
Think of two exact scenarios however with two different individuals in your life, say a relative and your best friend. Envision yourself having dinner in one scenario with your relative and in the other with your best friend.
Reflect on and compare the difference within yourself between either scenario. How is your demeanour changing? Are the breaks in conversation awkward or easeful? Can you openly share with them any struggles or triumphs you had that day? Can they do the same with you?
There will naturally be a disparity of sorts as these are two very contrasting relationships. The point I’m trying to make is what level of discrepancy is there between either scenario? In other words, how much of yourself are you altering to fit the person with whom you are sitting across from? The answer is ultimately one only you can know to be true.
Unlock Your Essence
As a little girl, I was the poster child for shyness. This might be the reason why I’ve compared and contrasted the above scenario repeatedly over the years. It was a reflective attempt at getting to know myself and find out who truly understood and accepted me.
It seems the more we feel the need to shape-shift who we are the more we stray away from our true and authentic selves.
Yet, the more we remain true the more our authenticity will shine and in that the essence of our individuality will come forth. Because of this it’s vital to spend time by ourselves in solitude. By doing so, I believe the ultimate goal becomes having as little discrepancy as possible between the roles we live out in our relational dynamics. This is at the root of authenticity,
I’m not encouraging to converse in detail with your parents as you would with a romantic partner or best friend. Some topics remain strictly taboo. What I am encouraging is to remain consistent in how you show-up and present yourself. This reveals your authenticity and ignites the essence of who you are.
Just Be Yourself
Couldn’t we all agree that one of the greatest sources of freedom in the world would be to show up as your full honest self? Behaviours, feelings, quirks, and all! If my apprehension around vulnerability didn’t arise, I would sign up for this freedom.
By default and coming back to evolutionary social acceptance. We tend to fade out certain facets of ourselves to fit in when instead we could be re-wiring our conditioning to fit the mould of who we are individually.
People think a lot more about how they are acting and showing up in the world compared to how others are. We applaud those who can show up in their authenticity and wonder how we can adopt more of that for ourselves.
Allow the next sentence to act as an invitation in exploring your essence.
No one is thinking as intently about you as much as you are thinking as intently about you.
At first thought, this may seem like “Umm ouch!?” yet, this is quite liberating as it allows you the breadth and freedom to show-up and pursue whatever it is that lights you up. The less focus you place on what others think of you and what you are doing, the more in touch you will become with yourself and ultimately with the people in your life that matter most.
You Breed Your Essence
I’m realizing that my essence has lived within me all along. I wasn’t stepping into it partly out of pleasing tendencies and partly out of feeling the need to fit into a conditioned norm.
But the thing is that deviating away from your essence will slowly albeit surely lead you astray.
Today, the more I step into and own my essence the more it feels that my life is slowly albeit surely falling into place. This sense of authenticity reveals itself daily in simple yet gracious ways, such as:
- Taking care of myself mentally and physically.
- Being loyal to my friends and family.
- Holding space for someone as they confide in me.
- Being playful as a I live out my inner-child.
- And most liberating – doing things for which my grade-school teachers did not see much talent in me. Eg. day-dreaming, dabbling in art projects or even writing!
At the end of the day – breathe in your essence, breathe out your doubt. The right people will always accept you for you and vice versa. Like attracts like.
Thanks for reading!
xo, Missy
